


Five Times Light Yagami Suspected He Liked Guys

by waywardavengers (herax97)



Category: Death Note
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, Bi-Curiosity, Canon Related, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, Complete, Denial, Different Endings, Drabble Collection, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Self-Discovery, Sexual Tension, Slash, Yaoi, eventual LightxL, fluff vs angst, lawlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herax97/pseuds/waywardavengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And One Time He Was Absolutely Certain. Six short scenarios where Light starts to question his sexuality and then becomes absolutely certain. Set within the Death Note anime timeline. (Features two different endings)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Notes

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally got into anime and L's death made me sad so I'm writing fanfiction in my denial. This will center around canon timeline but with eventual LightxL.

The weight of the notebook in his bag was practically undetectable, of course, but Light still felt as if he was dragging around a bag filled with bricks. After his discovery last night, it hadn’t been safe to just leave the so-called Death Note anywhere. Bringing it along to school had seemed the safest option but really, it was a rather flawed plan.

He was pretty used to his fellow students’ gazes following him, both because of his reputation and his seemingly favorable looks. However, now he felt like a suspect, carrying what was conceptually a murder weapon. He’d never realized acting inconspicuous would make you feel so suspicious. Keeping his head down, Light entered the classroom, taking a seat and praying for this day to go by faster.

A girl whose name was irrelevant finally dared to sit down two seats away from him after what had seemed like a lot of contemplating, earning a discreet eye roll from Light. All of their problems and worries seemed so disgustingly petty, even more so now compared to the decisions that Light had ahead of him.

Moments before class began, one of the two seats between Light and the giggling girls was occupied and annoyingly, it was the seat closer to Light. The lecture started and he mindlessly took notes, his thoughts occupied by the Death Note and Ryuk  and all the possibilities that lay ahead and why was this idiot whispering to him?

“I’m Mamoro Miyano,” the guy whispered, glancing over at Light out from under the ridiculously long and dark locks. “You’re Light Yagami, aren’t you?”

Light simply made some hum of agreement, pretending to be immersed with the professor’s childish explanations. The disinterest seemed to throw his ‘’new friend’’ off for a short while, giving Light peace to think once more. He was distracted once more, this time by wheezing laugh from behind him. _Ryuk…_ Before he could even start to wonder what the Shinigami’s problem was, a note slid by his elbow.

Brown eyes narrowed at the characters on the torn piece of paper. _You’re not very talkative._ What was this guy trying to achieve? Did he want something? Was he just trying to somehow up his social status by making friends? An even darker thought crossed his mind. Could it be that it wasn’t a coincidence, this stranger suddenly wanting to make friends at the same time that Light discovered the Death Note? No, it couldn’t be that someone knew or even suspected him this soon. That was ridiculous.

Pushing those thoughts away, Light crumpled up the note and flicked it to the floor. Dismissing this guy was the best course of action. He had to get the hint soon enough. Thankfully, that was the last of the distractions until the end of class. In a collected hurry, Light packed up his things, discreetly making sure that the notebook was still in its place to calm his worried yet irrational thoughts.

Sadly, before he could actually leave the room, his path was blocked by this Mamoro. The fact that this guy was tall enough to almost tower over him sparked a sense of annoyance with Light. Before he could ask him to move, Mamoro handed him another stupid note with a grin on his face. Light’s plan to immediately crumple up that note as well in front of the guy, to make a final statement, was ruined as he wordlessly left.

Light scoffed quietly, figuring he may as well see what the damn thing said. _If you ever do want to talk, or not talk at all, call me._ Light’s eyes widened as he looked at the phone number scribbled underneath the message. That guy had been… flirting?

“How cute.” Ryuk’s raspy voice snapped him out of his shock and Light quickly tore up the note, walking briskly out of the classroom. “You hesitated to tear that note up, are you going to start dating tall, dark and handsome?” Ryuk taunted, following Light through the crowded hallway.

Light’s jaw tightened. Of course he’d hesitated, he’d been surprised, that was all. He didn’t have time to be thinking about pointless relationships right now. Not that he wanted a relationship, or anything similar. Especially not with that guy. Or any guy. Cursing that idiot for managing to put him off like that, Light pushed the whole ordeal out of his head, throwing on a fake smile as the girl from before waved shyly.

“Get rid of that stupid smile, Ryuk,” Light muttered once they’d gotten to a less crowded space. “I don’t date. Especially not cocky idiots like that guy.”

“Whatever you say, Light.”


	2. 64 Cameras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one before the real action begins aka Light finally meets L. I didn't expect to get any sort of feedback on this so thanks for showing interest. On we go

_64 cameras, huh?_ This L had to be pretty sure that Light was the culprit if he was going through all this trouble just to watch him. Hands stuffed into his pockets, the cogs in Light’s mind turned. If his every move was being watched, then that meant he had to be extra careful. Still, he couldn’t just stop writing names in the Death Note; it would be obvious that he was Kira. This just meant he had to get a little creative.

It would have been impressive, how quickly L had gotten onto his scent, if it hadn’t been so irritating. Still, this was merely a small setback. This great detective would have to work that much harder if he wanted to catch Light in the act. Which he wouldn’t.

Light spent most of that evening studying, or so it would seem to anyone watching through these cameras. It was almost too easy, writing names in the Death Note with his left hand while he mindlessly solved equations with his right. The hardest part was keeping the satisfied sneer off his face. _Greatest detective in the world? You’re a fool if you think I’ll be this easy to catch, L._

Shortly before midnight, Light had switched off the LCD mini and thrown away the seemingly empty bag of chips. He made an act of stretching out, faking a yawn that led to a real one. It wasn’t really a stretch, acting like he was tired. Worrying about and thinking around the cameras all day had drained most of his energy. And as he’d told Ryuk, sleep was an absolute necessity, especially now that he needed his guard up at all times.

Switching off his desk lamp and pulling down the shades, Light sat down on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling like he could sense each and every one of these 64 lenses staring him down. He couldn’t help but wonder who exactly was currently sat on the other end of these cameras, watching him. _L…_

Sighing, Light dragged his shirt up over his head, dumping it in the laundry basket, feeling almost self-conscious. Almost. He was well aware of the fact that he was in great shape and there wasn’t a lack of people who’d told him so but still, not knowing who was watching made this scenario all the more unpredictable and uncomfortable.

Getting up, Light unbuttoned his jeans, realizing that he didn’t even know whether or not this L was someone close to his own age or some old fossil, sitting in his living room, watching teenage boys undress. The thought danced on the line of being creepy and laughable. He had to remind himself that this was supposed to be an expert, someone the police confided in. Light’s father would have never agreed to some elderly pervert putting up video cameras in their house. Besides, the concept of a younger L somehow just seemed more plausible. More appealing, even…

The jeans followed the shirt and Light dropped onto the mattress, arms folding behind his head. Brown eyes closed and he stifled another yawn. _L… Who are you?_

“You’re very comfortable for someone who’s being surveilled,” Ryuk commented from the corner. Light simply replied with a sigh, almost having forgotten the Shinigami’s presence in the room. “The person on the other end must be very happy with their view.”

This struck a chord with Light, strange tingles crawling over his exposed skin. He kept his eyes closed, his slightly groggy mind starting to wander. Would this L be watching him all night? A faceless entity appeared in his thoughts, sat in front of a large screen feeding Light’s room to the viewer. The image didn’t make him feel as uneasy as he realized it should have. More so, he felt… intrigued. _Would_ the viewer be enjoying the view? No, he was getting off track here…

Thinking back, he realized that he had never been watched in his sleep since he’d never shared his bedroom, or his bed for that matter, with anyone else. The thought of that by itself didn’t awaken any sort of feelings, didn’t really bother him, but this… Was it because it was the guy designated to catching Kira that was watching? Almost like he was already breathing down his neck, close to catching him… Or was it simply because it was a he? _No, this is a waste of time. L is using these cameras to get into my head, under my skin. I won’t give him the satisfaction._

Eyes blinking open, he was shocked to find that almost thirty minutes had gone into these ponderings. _L… Who are you…_ Light rolled over onto his stomach, blinking sleepily as the tingling sensation once again slithered down his spine, the feeling comparable to a heavy gaze running over his body, not altogether an unpleasant one. _Tomorrow… tomorrow I’ll provoke L… make sure that watching me is as uncomfortable as possible…_ The tingles intensified as a plan began to form, his thoughts drifting to the stupid stash of magazines in his shelf.

His longing, no, need to discover L’s identity had just become that much stronger. _Enjoy the view while you can, L. This is all just leading up to your own downfall._ Light stretched out on the bed with a pleased sound, almost as if to show off. His sleep hazed mind couldn’t quite justify why exactly he was showing off for L and it didn’t have the capacity to care much at this moment.  

Light fell asleep not long after, a small yet pleased smirk stuck on his face. The faceless stranger in his thoughts strayed back to the front of his mind. This time, more details were defined, such as the long, dark locks covering dark, gleaming eyes. _Tomorrow… I’ll show him…_ _L…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three has already been written and I plan to post it Sunday evening (that is, if anyone is interested in reading more... ;) )


	3. L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter, very nice. Introducing L and hoping I do him justice. Venture on and enjoy

Light had spent a lot of time picturing the appearance of L, the supposed greatest detective in the world. Mostly, he’d imagined a young, respectable man; someone sophisticated and brilliant. Someone similar to himself, perhaps. Never would he have looked at the guy currently crouching on the couch and thought him to be this genius. Even Ryuk had made comments about L’s appearance. That scruffy hair, those baggy clothes and that far-away stare was enough to put anyone off.

Arms crossed, he continued to study L, or Ryuzaki as he’d requested to be called. Honestly, how was it that the police were putting all of their faith in this weirdo? If Light hadn’t witnessed some of L’s skill first hand, he would have never believed that a guy like that would possess any real amount of intelligence. From his appearance to his attitude, it was really quite unbelievable. The guy didn’t even wear socks.

Light sighed, sinking slightly into the couch opposite the one L was occupying. The two of them were the only ones in the room, since L had blatantly stated that the police weren’t needed at this current moment. L had, however, said nothing about Light’s presence in the room so he’d opted to stay. If it weren’t for the occasional glances that Light received as L let go of one profile paper and picked up another, Light would have assumed that the other wasn’t even aware of his being here.

From the corner of his eye, Light watched Watari, L’s fossil of a servant, enter the room with what looked like ice cream cones. The first was handed to L, who wordlessly accepted it, the paper in his hand now just barely being held at one corner. Watari offered the second ice cream to Light, who was quick to politely refuse. Before Watari could leave with the treat, however, L spoke up for the first time since the police had left.

“Even your dad accepted the ice cream,” he said simply, watching Light with the eye not hidden by the paper. Light opened his mouth to retort before deciding that the simplest solution was to just take the damn thing. He accepted it with a forced smile and L’s gaze left him immediately.

Looking from the ice cream to L, Light felt like laughing. This was the guy assigned to catching Kira? The one who’d solved all of these impossible crimes? The same guy that was currently munching quite happily on a large scoop of ice cream was going to be the one responsible for Light’s arrest? For a moment, Light almost felt offended.

“So, what exactly are you looking into right now?” he asked curiously, deciding that he needed to stop trying to decipher L’s personality and instead try to get some more information from the guy. He ignored Ryuk’s comments about how he should get an apple since everyone else was getting treats, leaning forward to better see L’s research.

“These are the profiles of every criminal Kira has murdered so far. It includes the stations their arrest was broadcast on and – mm, times of death and such, mmm…” A low munching sound followed, along with a few more pleased hums. Light watched the other as he spoke, keeping a neutral expression on his face while he collected his thoughts. Had he seriously just moaned? At ice cream?

L finally looked over and Light figured he was expecting some sort of answer. Shaking off this uncomfortable feeling that had settled in his stomach, Light was quick to regain his composure. Of course, to an outsider, it looked like he’d never lost it.

“And you think that will help us find Kira? You already used the broadcasts to narrow his location down to this area.”

L made another pleased sound as he twirled the cone in his hand and took a bite. “Sure. Unless, of course, we’ve already found Kira and he’s sitting in this room.” A pause, in which Light put on a face of slight annoyance which he hardly had to fake. _I’ve never heard anyone enjoy their food_ that _much._ “But that’s just a theory, maybe plausible to about…” L’s gaze fell to the ceiling as he caught a stray drop of ice cream trying to escape down the cone with his thumb, licking it off and brushing his thumb over his lips, “…ten percent.”

“Sure.” Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes, reaching over for the profiles and grabbing one once L had granted permission with the nod of his head. He remembered the man on this paper very well, remembered writing his name in the Death Note. Reading over the man’s rap sheet, Light once more felt disappointed in the world for wanting to protect scum like this. Could they not see how much better things would be if they just accepted Light’s pursuit of justice?

“Your ice cream is melting.” Light snapped out of his reverie, blinking to find that he was staring straight into the large, dark eyes. It really looked like L didn’t sleep much, judging from how sunken his eyes were. Strangely, despite that they were still almost… mesmerizing? Or something like that, it was just weird.

“Right,” he replied, eyes narrowing just so. L mimicked him, his head cocking slightly to the side but the stare still held. _What is he thinking?_ Light felt almost… challenged. As if L was testing to see how long he’d hold the stare. _What’s the point? Does he think that if he stares hard enough, I’ll just admit to being Kira?_ He scoffed internally. _Or does me not looking away somehow convince him that I really am Kira?_

A sudden movement demanded Light’s focus, drawing his eyes away from the inquiring stare. L’s agile tongue had just darted out between his lips, licking at the top of the ice cream before disappearing again. Light blanched, blinking before his eyes returned to L’s to find that, yes, the guy was still staring him down with even more curiosity than before. He vaguely registered Ryuk cackling in the background.

Light was painfully aware of L resuming his task of licking every inch of the ice cream, and he fought the urge to fidget as L _wouldn’t_ _stop staring._ That uneasy feeling which he couldn’t quite pinpoint continued to grow. _What the hell is he playing at…_

The staring contest was cut short as Light felt something freezing seep through his jeans. Sure enough, the top half of his own neglected ice cream had fallen onto his thigh, quickly melting from the warmth. “Way to make an impression, Light,” Ryuk continued to laugh and Light continued to ignore him although he couldn’t quite ignore his own rising annoyance.

Cursing under his breath, Light jumped up, the frozen treat falling to the floor and forming a puddle. His anger started to surface and he made an effort to keep his hands from shaking. L was starting to really get on his nerves. How was the guy getting to him like that? He was used to people staring and this wasn’t intimidation Light was feeling, he was sure of that. There was something off about this…

The sound of shuffling was heard and L was suddenly crouched on the coffee table between the couches, staring up at Light. He stared back down with poorly hidden confusion, feeling his defense rising. Was L going to attack him?

“If you’re not going to eat that…” Brown eyes widened and Light followed L’s gaze to what was left of the ice cream in his own hand. Tentatively, Light handed it to L, who quickly retreated back to his seat and returned to his strange crouching position. He took a mouthful of the treat as if nothing had happened.

 _He’s messing with my head…_ Light carefully sat back down, making sure to keep his gaze away from L’s face. _How can he make eating ice cream look so… so irritating? And why the hell does he keep making those noises. Can’t he just eat like a normal human being? He’s lucky I don’t have his real name right now…_

“Are you alright?”

Light didn’t look up. He was done playing whatever stupid game L was trying to win. He’d been beaten a few times now and Light wouldn’t allow for it again. L would not get to him anymore. “Of course. Why?” His tone was calm, casual, and he added a light chuckle for good measure.

“Oh, well, your breathing’s all ragged and you’ve read that same sentence seven, no, eight times now.”

_What? Dammit, he’s right! And my pulse is racing! What the hell is wrong with me… I need to get myself under control, right now._

Light forced a laugh. “Fine, you caught me. I guess I am a little bit tired. Maybe I should just be heading home, I’m of no use to you or the investigation like this.” He smiled over at L and winced inwardly. The bastard was casually licking off his fingers, one by one.

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.” L picked up a new sheet of paper, long fingers holding it up by the corners, obscuring his face. “Well, I’ll just see you later, then,” he murmured.

“Of course.” Light got up, eyes darkening as he turned away. His pulse was still too rapid for his own liking and this sensation from before felt like a heavy stone in his stomach. Leaving the hotel, he decided that the sooner he got rid of L, the better.

“You know what, he reminds me of Mister tall, dark and handsome from your class.”

“Shut up, Ryuk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's L, hopefully portrayed decently. Once again, I have the next chapter all written up and ready and boy is it an interesting one. I’ll give you two hints. Chain. Shower. Leave your feedback and I might be tempted to update soooon~


	4. Chains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick shout-out to all the lovely people leaving kudos and especially to those leaving comments. This one’s for you, since I know you’ve all been waiting for that M rating to come true so here’s a small tease. Hope you enjoy…

During his eighteen years of life, Light had witnessed and experienced many things. Some were on par with his the time he’d brought home his first perfect test scores, others with the time he’d thought his dad was going to shoot him for a crime he didn’t commit. The experience he was forced to go through now categorized under none of those things.

“You’re really not going to unchain us for this?”

L blinked. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, you know very well my reasons behind this chain.”

“But even if I was Kira, which I’m not, I wouldn’t be able to do anything in there.”

L hummed in thought and for a moment, Light thought the guy would show just a little bit of sense in this situation. “No…” he finally replied, sounding bored with the whole conversation, which further irked Light.

“Come on, Ryuzaki. You’re really going to keep me chained to you while I _shower?_ ” Light stared at the person currently sharing his chain in disbelief, jangling said chain for emphasis.

“It appears I am. Now would you please hurry and take a shower already, I have better things to do than wait for you. Like catching Kira, for instance,” L drawled, already crouching down into his favored position, back leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. Light crossed his arms in defiance. L might have been the one running this operation but he would not be allowed to just boss Light around like this.

L sighed. “I suppose we will just continue to suffer from your unpleasant body odor, then.”

The bathroom door slammed into the chain behind Light as he disappeared into the bathroom, growling under his breath.  

The first glaring flaw of showering with a chain around your wrist, Light found, was that he couldn’t get his shirt completely off. Said shirt currently hung from the chain by one of the sleeves, earning angered mutters from Light. Drawing in a deep, calming breath, he decided to simply push the shirt further down onto the chain and then it would just be L’s problem later on.

One by one, Light removed his socks, belt and jeans, constantly glancing over at the door, half ajar since the chain kept it from closing. He wasn’t completely certain but it definitely sounded like L was munching on something just outside the door.  A defeated sigh falling from his lips, Light dropped his boxer briefs as well, kicking them over to the discarded pile of clothing.

The second flaw Light discovered was the chain dragging the shower curtain around, eradicating its purpose and all sense of privacy. _Great… Let’s just get this over with._

The first drops of warm water on his skin pretty much distinguished any thoughts of a quick shower as the heat seeped into his body, each and every one of his muscles relaxing. He couldn’t have even begun to imagine the joy of a shower after such a long time stuck in solitary confinement. A content sigh slipping past his lips, Light couldn’t even find it in him to be bothered by the chain lying slack against his thigh.

His head fell back against the tiles, eyes closing, and there was nothing except for the pounding water. No investigation, no suspicion of him being Kira, no worries; just warmth. Light allowed himself a good few minutes of reveling under the stream before finally starting to work on actually getting himself clean. The chain rattled with his every move, constantly reminding him of the fact that L was sitting, or rather crouching, just outside the door. Probably eating a cake.

Pushing the thought aside, Light simply enjoyed the feel of getting himself clean again. He’d washed his hair through twice for good measures and tried out the conditioner that had been prepared in the shower as well, figuring it couldn’t do any harm.  

As he scrubbed himself down, it was really quite easy to imagine that he was simply at home as long as he just kept his eyes closed. Aimlessly, he allowed his mind to wander as there simply hadn’t been time to do so in a long while. Thoughts drifted away, allowing his breathing to deepen and his muscles to relax further.

Mind practically empty, Light couldn’t pinpoint exactly the point in time in which his blood had started to relocate but he soon became uncomfortably aware of that fact. Cursing under his breath, Light snapped out of his zen mode, trying to will this problem away.

He could hardly remember the last time he’d had to deal with this sort of… unwanted state of arousal but he was pretty sure it had happened once when he was thirteen and then never again. He was a man with his thoughts and urges well-kept and under control so why now?

Familiar yet almost forgotten sensations surged down from his abdomen, tempting him, reminding him of how long it had been. _This is ridiculous… I’m not just some horny high-schooler that can’t control his arousal… Besides, L is sitting just outside the door._ Sadly, that train of thought served to be very counteractive.

_Damn it… I’ve already been in here forever, L will definitely get suspicious if I take much longer and I_ definitely _don’t want him coming in here._

Sighing in frustration, Light knew what the quickest course of action was in this situation. As embarrassing as that was, was it really as embarrassing as the prospect of L deciding to burst in here, checking to see if he’d perhaps escaped or killed someone?

Finding himself thinking for the second time in the last minutes that he just needed to get this over with, Light still couldn’t help the natural reaction of his stomach churning over in anticipation. He tried to close the shower curtain to the best of his abilities before allowing his unchained hand to slowly envelop his erection in an almost unpracticed manner. It _had_ definitely been too long.

It only took a few slow strokes for him to build up a fairly familiar rhythm, his eyes closing as the water continued to pound onto his head and shoulders. He’d nearly forgotten the welcome shivers that started to crawl up his legs and down his neck as his hand picked up the pace, wrist twisting and turning as he started to remember exactly how to touch himself to get the best results.

Biting down onto his lower lip, Light carefully stifled a moan as he could practically _feel_ his member throbbing in his hand. The noise from the shower was doing its job of masking the current sounds but he knew that any vocal noises would definitely be heard and would potentially cause L to burst in.

He could almost envision it now, just the tiniest of sounds slipping past his lips and the door would most likely fly open and those dark, all-consuming eyes would zero in on Light. Would L be shocked? Disgusted? Perhaps intrigued, since a lot of things did seem to intrigue him. Would he be embarrassed enough to leave immediately or maybe even too embarrassed to move, so he’d just stay and watch, dark eyes wide with surprise, made even darker by pure, animalistic lu-

“Light, are you almost done in there? I’ve run out of confections and I’m getting bored. “

As L’s drawl floated into the bathroom, Light’s eyes flew open, the coil sitting low in his stomach unrolling and exploding without any warning. The muscles in his thighs spasmed and the hand not desperately stroking him to completion banged into the tiles, the chain rattling. His teeth dug into his lip, a hairsbreadth away from drawing blood as he choked on his own filthy groan of pleasure.

His wrist ached when he finally slowed his strokes, his legs threatening to give out from under him as his muscles went through the after-spasms of his post-coital bliss. It took a few moments for the clouds to clear from his head, his jaw going completely slack as he struggled to catch his breath, sputtering out water from his mouth as it continued to fall.

“Just a minute,” he finally managed to pant, his voice much too shaky.

A few dreadful moments of silence passed and panic rose in Light like a tsunami. _He knows… Dammit, Light, you idiot!_

“Alright then.”

Light let go of the air he’d been holding in, leaning against the shower wall for support. That had been… indescribable.  It wasn’t often but he had pleasured himself now and again but never had he felt… _that._ A small part of his mind not currently wracked with pleasure and fatigue reasoned that Light knew _exactly_ why he’d felt what he’d felt. The obvious difference lay in the thoughts that had been running through his head…

Opposed to the normal blank and serene thoughts Light had conjured up in the past, now his mind had been filled with thoughts about… No, that wasn’t the reason. It couldn’t be. He hadn’t even really been thinking about anything in particular. Just that he didn’t want to get caught.

Completely ignoring the sensible portion of his brain pestering him about what exactly had led to him tip over the edge so fervently, Light turned off the water. A few towels hung next to the shower and Light quickly wrapped one around his waist, using the other to hastily dry off his hair.

“Watari has brought fresh clothes for you, they’re just outside the door.”

Light cringed at L’s voice, tendrils of shame, along with something utterly unfamiliar which he refused to acknowledge, creeping up his spine and into his head. “Thanks,” he muttered back, careful not to look at L as he reached outside for the clothing.

“Do you think all of your showers will be this long? If so, I’ll have to remember to bring a laptop so it won’t be a complete waste of time,” L pondered aloud and Light shook his head even though no one could see it, drops of water falling to the floor.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be taking a long shower again anytime soon.” _At least not while I’m still chained to you…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of pondering went into which type of underwear Light would wear and also just Light’s thought process in general during this little scenario. If you appreciated this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, don’t hesitate to leave a comment and make my day. More uncomfortable Light coming up soon (hopefully, chapter 5 is proving a difficult one…) ;)


	5. Quirks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: hey, I’m not dead. The fifth chapter to this installation has arrived and it contains even more conflicted thoughts from our lovely delusional Light. Enjoy the innocence while you can, as next chapter will be post-returned-memories Light. (thanks again for all feedback lovelies).

It was funny, how being chained up to someone allowed you to see a completely different side of them. In fact, Light had witnessed many of L’s hidden sides and he’d even started to notice some of his less obvious quirks. Like the fact that when he drowned his coffee in sugar, he always put in an odd number of spoonfuls. Or the fact that L picked which thumbnail to chew on depending on his mood. Left was for thinking, right for when he was worried and also for when he was observing Light (thinking he didn’t notice).

Another strange habit was the way that L mumbled in his sleep.

Light hadn’t noticed it the first few nights he’d spent sleeping on a mattress next to L’s bed but recently, his thoughts had been keeping him up at night. And that’s when he’d noticed the mumbling. It was barely intelligible but the word Kira made an appearance quite often. Not surprisingly.

At first, Light had found the mumbling amusing. He liked picking up on L’s quirks and he even enjoyed them; they made him seem more… human and less like a machine whose only purpose was to solve the case, no matter the cost. Seeing L as this vulnerable creature of habit only added fuel to the bonfire of thoughts that had begun to keep Light up at night.

After the showering incident a couple of weeks back, Light had quite successfully managed to smother the fire and extinguish the distracting thoughts. He’d honed his focus on their leads with Yoshiba and the Kira case. Of course, he should have known better than to think that thoughts like these could be suffocated for good.

_“…how have you never had a long lasting relationship?”_

It was all Misa’s fault, really, for dragging the three of them on a date. Light had never been a fan of dates nor had he particularly enjoyed them. Ever. ‘Anything to keep Misa quiet for a while,’ everyone had insisted, pretty much the only reason Light had even agreed. Still, it had been interesting to witness L’s agility and fighting skills. Even though the bruises on his jaw were still healing.

The real mess had begun after the fight, once Misa had left to calm herself down.

_What do you mean?” Light replied hesitantly, reminding himself that this was probably just another one of L’s weird methods of trying to prove Light’s non-existing connection to Kira. “And how do you even know about my love life?” he added, his tone now stern._

_L licked the leftover cake frosting off his finger. “At the same time that we had your house under surveillance, I had Watari do a bit of research on you, standard procedure.” L’s head turned, dark eyes gazing at Light._

Light’s skin still tingled just from the thought of the piercing gaze. He was used to L watching him – it was always as if he was trying to read invisible words etched into his skin – but that look… Light should have known the conversation was heading nowhere good, really.

_“You didn’t answer my question, though. I’m merely curious,” L added innocently, fiddling his toes in a manner that seemed subconscious. Light winced inwardly, his peripheral vision moving from L’s feet to his eyes. This was not a discussion he was eager to have with anyone, especially not L._

_“Just curious, huh? Well, I’m afraid I don’t really have a good answer for you. Things just haven’t worked out between me and the girls I’ve dated.” Light went for a nonchalant shrug, hoping that that would be the end of this conversation yet knowing that L never, ever dropped a subject so easily. “They were… boring.”_

_“And there have only been girls… Interesting…”_

_Eyes widening just so, Light felt his blood draining from his body._ What the hell is the purpose of this? _With a blink, Light’s slight shock vanished from his face. “Interesting? Why is that interesting? Are you implying something, Ryuzaki?” Light cocked an eyebrow._

_L started nibbling at his thumb. “No… Merely fleshing out a theory… So there hasn’t been an incident where you’ve found yourself attracted to a person of the same gender?”_

_Light huffed, arms crossing even tighter. “What’s up with the interrogation, Ryuzaki?” he asked, tone a little too defensive for his own liking. He made a mental effort to let the tension bleed from his muscles._

_The glint that appeared in L’s eyes could mean nothing good for Light. “Oh, so there has been someone… How very interesting.” Black eyes stared almost blankly at the window._

_Light seethed. “Alright, what’s the point of all this? If this is one of your stupid Kira tests then just tell me already.” He stared at the side of L’s face until the other finally turned to meet his determined gaze._

The chain gave a quiet jingle as L rolled over, jarring Light from his reminiscing. He still couldn’t understand why L had brought up the conversation. The great detective never asked irrelevant questions that didn’t benefit him in some way. So what had he really been trying to benefit from those questions? The thought had been bothering Light constantly for the past 48 hours…

_“I’m trying to get to know you. That’s what friends do, right? Get to know each other, talk about their past relationships and troubles…” For a moment, L looked slightly vulnerable but the look was gone as soon as it appeared._

_Light shook his head. “Not like this, Ryuzaki. You can’t just do extensive research on your friends and call it “getting to know them.” It’s wrong and intrusive.” L looked genuinely confused by this new bit of information. “If you want to get to know your friends, you have to sit and just… talk it out. Not interrogate them. Wait until they’re comfortable enough to tell you about their past.”_

_Rubbing his thumb over his lips, L stared at the floor with great interest. “Sounds like you’ve had quite the experience with this whole friend business.”_

_Light’s chuckle was mostly humorless. Like with dating, he’d held up appearances with friends but they’d mostly felt like too much trouble. Light wasn’t big on sharing or getting close to people. “Not really.”_

_L’s tiny smile in return looked about as sad as Light’s reply had been._

_Once again, dark eyes turned away but this time, Light didn’t break his stare. “Why were you really asking, Ryuzaki?” he asked quietly, watching the other out from under his lashes. Something in Light’s voice clearly caught L’s attention as his head slowly turned._

_“You’re not just asking because you want to annoy me or because you’re trying to bond…” Light’s lips slowly turned into a small smirk. It all made sense now. “You’re asking for yourself.”_

_L didn’t respond, save for his ever-so tempting tongue darting out to wet his lips. A nervous gesture, Light was sure. Feeling more confident about his guess, Light advanced. Pulling his legs up onto the couch, he slowly, tauntingly, crawled across the empty cushions towards L._

_“You wanted to know if you had a chance,” he continued, voice turning huskier as he approached L, who looked like a dear caught in headlights. Light’s blood rushed with excitement, his breathing quickening. “Well…”_

_The chain jangled when Light cornered L, trapping him by resting an arm on either side. “How about I give you a clear answer?”_

_Hand tangling up in back of those scruffy, dark locks, Light pressed his mouth against L’s, the kiss everything except gentle. L made a surprised little noise in the back of his throat, causing Light’s blood to run hot._

_Long, slender fingers ran down the front of Light’s shirt as Light’s tongue pushed at L’s lips, begging for entrance. Finally, his own eager tongue met L’s agile and teasing one and he tightened his grip in the pitch-black hair, pushing his body closer to L’s…_

Brown eyes flew open, the only indication of Light’s rude awakening. His limbs felt heavy, his head clouded and worst of all, his lips felt numb. Seconds later, frustration rushed through his body, along with anger at his mind’s betrayal. If he no longer had total control of his mind then what did he have, really?

Try as he might, the dream his mind had added onto the memory was etched into his brain, feeling just as real as the actual event. Is that what he’d really wanted to do back then? Was this just some sick power thing his sleep-deprived brain was making up to cope with L’s evident superiority, constantly accusing him of being Kira?

Light felt like screaming out in frustration. Eighteen years without distractions and feelings and confusion and _now,_ in the middle of the most important investigation he’d ever taken part in, his mind decided to… to…

His fists clenched before slowly relaxing, almost in defeat. It didn’t matter what his mind was doing. No matter what, this investigation would end with them capturing Kira and then Light would move on to greater things while L…

Muffled mumbling reached Light’s ears, making his already uneasy stomach flutter.

Feelings were completely useless and would only hold him back, especially any feelings for... No, Light had a future planned for himself, not to mention the fact that L was most likely not the dating type. _Not that it matters,_ Light reminded himself.

_It doesn’t matter that he, in theory, goes to my school or that he’s the only person that can keep up with me or that he’s the only one that’s ever made me feel…_ Light’s eyes squeezed closed, warding off the unwanted flow of tears. Light Yagami did not cry over things like these, none the less on a mattress on the floor. His expression morphed into one of complete apathy.

If he could squeeze the life out of these thoughts once, he could do it again. He would just have to do it more permanently this time and then once Kira was caught and his innocence was proved, he would never have to see L again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: sweetie, denial’s not a good look on you. Soo, sorry this took longer than the others but I actually wrote up a few pages that I scrapped but then decided to use as flashbacks in this chapter. Yay. Also it’s 2AM I should be in bed. Now only one question remains: do you guys want the happy, fluffy ending or the really angsty, awful one, because I can do both. Let me know in the comments belooow~ EXCITEMENT!!


	6. Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Warning, angst ahead._ Despite an alarming amount of people preferring the fluff ending, I felt I could not betray the feel of the story so I had to go with the more likely ending. **But do not despair!** I will also write up the alternative, less soul wrenching ending and post it as soon as I am finished. So if angst ain’t your cup of tea, feel free to wait for the next chapter. If it is, proceed and enjoy and thank you all for reading.

Does a wounded animal know that it’s about to die? Does it have the sense to cherish its last moments or does it simply carry on until it no longer exists as a living being? The latter seemed more likely, Light had concluded a while ago, and it was one of the many things that discerned animals from humans. A wounded human could sense that it was about to die – much like L could sense that he had lost this battle and therefore the war and that he, too, was about to die.

Their recently finished conversation on the rooftop had once again reminded Light just how similar and in tune the two of them were. But that didn’t matter now. L could psychoanalyze him up until his dying breath but it wouldn’t do him any good now. Light had won and even L’s subconscious knew it.

_The sound of the bells has been unusually loud today… I wonder if it’s a church, maybe a wedding… or perhaps a…_

L had played his part well in this investigation, proving an almost worthy adversary, but the great detective’s mind had proved no match for Light’s extensive planning. Still, there had been one thing Light hadn’t been able to plan ahead for nor prevent.

Upon conceiving his plan to relinquish ownership of the Death Note, Light had gone through every possible outcome and he had considered every variable. He had never expected feelings to become a chess piece on his and L’s little board of strategies.

_Tell me, Light… From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?_

As with most things, L had been spot on. Light was a liar, through and through, although he’d always preferred to think of it as acting. He’d always had to feign interest, fake friendships, claim he was fine when he’d wanted to scream and recently, act like he wasn’t a righteous punisher that would bring justice to the world. When it came down to it, no one knew Light. Hell, most of the time, Light even managed to fool himself.

It had been easy, convincing himself these feelings were just admiration of a great mind, seeing as without his memories of the Death Note, Light hadn’t perceived L as the threat he really was. Even now, with his memories returned, the thought of L being an ally persisted. It continued to annoy Light.

How strange it was, to look into the eyes of another and see a part of yourself staring back.

Now that Light once again had a clear motive, he could easily see how foolish his reactions to these unexpected feelings had been. But wasn’t love supposed to make you irrational?

Love… did he really love L?

The more he thought about it, the more his uncertainty grew. The body and mind’s ultimate surrender of control; giving your heart away to another human being.

The detective appeared with a towel sloppily thrown over his head, perfecting the look of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The oversized, white sweater now clung to L’s frame, making his thin yet toned physique even more obvious. The sleeves hung just shy of covering his fingertips and his toes were barely visible under the soggy pants as he padded towards Light.

Annoyingly, Light’s heart fluttered at the sight.

How painfully ironic that the only person Light could actually imagine ruling with was the person most dedicated to thwarting his plans.

He barely noticed L’s movements until he was kneeling right in front of Light in the stairs. As if only to add onto the strange and confusing atmosphere, L’s nimble fingers were now pushing into the sole of Light’s foot, sending spikes of pain and pleasure up his leg.

“You weren’t kidding about being good at this,” he muttered, flinching as a freezing droplet of water hit his foot. Seeing that L’s hair was still soaking wet, Light brought up his own discarded towel to wipe the dark locks dry. L didn’t seem to mind so Light did the best he could with the thick hair. Once it was no longer dripping water, he lowered the towel and, before he could really think the move through, pushed back the locks covering L’s dark eyes.

His formerly conceived ideas of the texture and feel of L’s hair had been laughably far from the real thing. It felt rougher than it looked but somehow, that wasn’t a bad thing. He only realized that his hand had lingered when he noticed that L’s hands had also frozen in their place.

“Sorry, I was just…” he trailed off, as he wasn’t really sure what he had been doing. It took him a few more seconds to actually move his hand, arm falling limply at his side.

“It’s fine, it was nice,” L rambled in his usual monotone, yet his usual composure had disappeared behind the slight panic in his eyes. At a loss for an alternative, it seemed, L resumed the foot massage, albeit with slightly more vigor than before. The grip on Light’s foot grew tighter and tighter until L finally noticed Light’s grimace and scooted two steps down. The panic was now visible on his whole face.

“I’m sorry,” he said instantly, bowing his head. Light found the awkwardness to be endearing, which also aggravated him. At the same time, a hidden thought he’d stored deep in the back of his mind scratched at the surface, reminding Light of its presence.

He allowed himself to toy with the thought, wondering if it was worth it. This would most likely be his last chance, if everything went according to plan. Besides, he really did want to. Just to see; to know for sure. Was it better to not know and never get a confirmation on the things he felt? Probably. But he could afford to be irrational for once in his life.

L’s phone rang, triggering Light into movement. He stood up at the same time L did, ignoring the slight irregularities in his heartbeat, as he firmly but carefully grabbed L’s wrist before the phone reached his ear.

The question being formed on L’s lips was extinguished when Light ducked his head in with practiced ease, pressing his lips against L’s, which were still slightly parted in shock.

Light could feel L’s whole body tensing up so he loosened his grip on the wrist. The other didn’t move away.

Same as with the hair, the feel of L’s lips was softer than Light had imagined, yet his lips were slightly chapped. Predictably, L tasted sweet. Light allowed his tongue to briefly wander past the parted lips, seeking out the taste for savoring, before his fingers unwrapped from around L’s wrist.

Slowly, he backed away, meeting L’s wide-eyed gaze. After a few seconds, L finally blinked. He then raised his hand, bringing the phone up to his ear. His mouth moved but no words got out, so he cleared his throat. “Yes?”

Light’s eyes didn’t leave L’s, a void starting to form within him – the feeling of a loss he had yet to experience.

“I understand. I’m on my way.”

L hung up, still not breaking eye-contact as he pushed the phone back into his pocket. Light waited for L to say something, explain the phone call, and for a brief moment, he felt a sense of dread. What if that had been someone calling with solid evidence regarding the Kira case and L’s suspicions were now confirmed?

“It will be lonely, won’t it?”

Light’s eyebrows drew together. His voice dripped with uncertainty. “What do you mean?” He could feel his blood rushing just underneath his skin, his pulse still too rapid. Inexplicably, Light could feel a tremor starting to make its way throughout his body, originating from his core.

“You and I will be parting ways soon,” L murmured, dark eyes staring at something Light could not see. Light feigned ignorance, laughing nervously.

“Why would you say that?” he pushed, the fact that L refused to look him in the eye making him uncomfortable and wary.

For a few drawn-out moments, L said nothing and Light felt just about ready to walk over and shake him. One could never be sure what reaction L would have to certain scenarios but Light had not expected this dreadful and tense reaction to their kiss. Not to say that he’d been expecting anything, really…

“We should get going…” L finally answered but the reply did nothing to soothe Light’s troubled mind. For a brief second, Light was staring into the familiar dark orbs, but something just felt wrong.

The sound of L’s bare feet against the floor echoed and the tremors in Light’s body intensified. A quiet mutter was all that prevented Light from screaming and it took him a few moments to register what had been said. The realization made his limbs grow heavy and his organs felt like they were being constricted. He stared at L until he disappeared from sight, eyes starting to burn as he hadn’t dared to blink.

Those six words seemed to echo in the silence, filling Light’s mind like a depressing mantra.

_“Thank you, Light. It was pleasant.”_

……………………

Light had been assigned the task of writing L’s epitaph. At the time, he’d been very tempted to lace the words with a gloating message about his victory but he had refrained. At the time, he had been gleeful and excited for the things to come. At the time, he hadn’t felt the crushing emptiness he was currently experiencing as he read the words now engraved in the tombstone.

The cross-shaped stone was lacking a name, of course, since no one could know about L’s death, save for the group of men currently attending his funeral. It made for a very small and somber event.

Try as he may, Light could not feel the same rush of victory he had been filled with for the past few days. Ever since he’d found out about L’s existence and mission to take down Kira, Light had envisioned the detective six feet under, yet now that it had finally happened…

He barely noticed one of the task force members speaking up until the men started to disperse, Matsuda being the one to notice that not everyone had followed. “…Light? Are you coming?”

Unable to tear his eyes away from the grave, Light shook his head. “I’ll join you at HQ later,” he muttered. He was supposed to be putting on an act of being a friend struck with grief but still, he was alarmed by how easily he was pulling it off.

Matsuda looked ready to argue but the other men shook their heads and so, the group slowly made their way out of the cemetery. Light continued to stare at the freshly turned dirt, now turning a shade of orange as the sun quickly descended behind him.

“It’s like you weren’t even trying anymore…” Light’s voice was barely a whisper, dark eyes hidden behind locks of his hair. “Why did you let me win so easily?”

A quiet, dark laugh slipped past Light’s lips. Typical. L’s body was now starting to rot and _still_ he was managing to ruin the first moments of Kira’s reign. Light felt the now familiar tremors returning, his hands starting to shake almost violently. Tightening them into fists in a pointless attempt to gain control, he finally gave up and dropped to his knees. His fists left imprints where they slammed into the dirt, a single tear disappearing into the small crater.

“This is your fault,” he accused, not really sure of what really lay behind the accusation. It was L’s fault that his pursuit of justice had taken so long; it was L’s fault that Light had begun to question the stability of his own unerring mind; all of it was L’s fault for making Light fall in love with him.

Slowly, Light raised his head to glare at the tombstone, sniffing with indignation at the epitaph.

_In memory of a friend, colleague and a great mind.  
“Sometimes, the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”_

Matsuda had insisted on putting one of L’s “quotes” in the epitaph and had allowed Light to choose from the ones he’d collected without anyone’s knowledge. Light had picked that one because, at the time, he’d found it ironic for some reason. Now, it just tore at the gaping hole in his stomach, making him feel empty.

Dusk conquered the cemetery and a chill traveled through Light’s body as he got to his feet. Brushing dirt off his knees and palms, he stared at the tombstone until his vision blurred and he had to blink away the moisture in his eyes.

He wasn’t keen on thoughts along the lines of ‘if things had been different’ but he still found himself wondering if, in another setting – perhaps in another life – him and L could have been something more than just a game of cat and mouse. It was a thought he didn’t allow himself to dwell on for long.

“Thank you for the game,” Light finally managed to say, at last gaining some control over the tremors in his body. He wanted to say more but he neither had the words nor saw the purpose, so he left, walking away from the nameless grave with determined steps.

Floating through his head one last time, L’s phantom voice followed him out of the cemetery.

_“Thank you, Light. It was pleasant.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took rather long to write and it’s a bit of a mess but I figured so is Light at this point so… I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I would love to get feedback on this as it was the hardest chapter for me to write so far. Don’t forget to check out the alternative ending when I post it, hopefully soon.


	7. Adrenaline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -accidentally writes a 3000 word alternative ending- I don’t know how to contain my fluff I’m sorry I do not take responsibility for any heart palpitations this may cause.

Epinephrine, more commonly known as adrenaline. Automatically released by the body as a response to fear, stress and excitement. Light Yagami was not very familiar with rushes of adrenaline, due to the fact that his environment had perpetually bored him from a very young age. At least, until he had met L.

In the span of the few months that Light had associated with L, his pulse and respiration had been pushed to rise on multiple occasions, mostly due to adrenaline (Light still refused to acknowledge any other reasons for his rapid pulse). Among those scenarios was the tennis match, their fight, the time he’d thought his father was going to shoot him and, of course, the most recent one; watching Kyosuke Higuchi speed off the side of a bridge, effectively killing himself.

Since that incident almost two months ago, Light had not experienced another course of adrenaline.

The first couple of weeks after Higuchi’s death had been very uneventful. Murders and accidents with patterns relating to Kira were completely eradicated, but L’s insistence that there was still a second Kira did not vanish at all. After the first week, Aizawa and Mogi had begun to grow doubtful of L’s relentless search. Once another week passed, even Light’s father started questioning the need for L’s investigation. A few days after that, the whole taskforce had been denied access into L’s current base of operations.

All of this was information brought to Light by his father, seeing as the younger Yagami had not seen L since the night of their supposed victory against Kira.

A month later, the news revealed that Higuchi’s car had finally been fished out of the ocean. The only possessions found in the car were a gun and a soggy, unintelligible notebook that had fallen apart as soon as it had been put into an evidence bag. Light had been quick to switch off the TV, focusing instead on the work he had to catch up on to get back on track at To-Oh.

36 days since the last time he’d seen L and Misa had finally seized her attempts to contact Light. In a vain attempt at normalcy Light knew he would never have, he had ventured back into the superficial dating world, spending some time with a lively brunette. He broke things off with her after a week and a half upon finding out that she had a knack for cakes and sweets.

The next girl he tried dating was a short redhead that based most of her conversations on the movies and shows she watched. Her habit of biting at the skin of her thumb bothered Light to a point where he broke up with her after only four days of dating. The next one was simply mind-numbingly boring and lasted a week, the fourth was a complete failure at tennis and the fifth, a blonde, decided to dye her hair pitch black thirteen days into their relationship. The thirteenth day was also the last day of their relationship.

His mother and sister had been thrilled that Light was ‘getting himself out there’ and ‘finally having some fun.’ How were they to know that every one of those dull, mundane and conventionally pretty girls were nothing more than a distraction?

45 days since the Kira investigation had ended and Light was once again at the top of his class at To-Oh, his father was very optimistic about his joining the police once he finished university and to an outsider, Light’s life looked pretty damn perfect. Of course, the outsiders only saw the smiles he fed them.

Light was tired, plagued by dreams he couldn’t remember once he’d woken up and left with an itch in the back of his head that told him he knew exactly what the dreams were about. He had gotten pretty skilled at ignoring these kinds of itches. He was also, once again, bored, but worst of all? Light felt lonely for the first time in his life.

No matter how much they tried, no one could keep up with him so he’d stopped bothering to challenge anyone. No one seemed interesting anymore yet everyone else seemed _too_ interested in him. It was all just so… dull.

52 days since Light had found L still hard at work at his computer at 3 in the morning and had decided to leave quietly instead of initiating a pointless and awkward goodbye. It had started to snow, not surprisingly, since there were only 5 days until Christmas Eve arrived. It was the last official day of school before Christmas break would start, and young adults happily chattered as the last class of the year ended.

Light was led outside by the stream of excited students, most conversing about what they were buying for who and which store they were getting their dress from. Pointless babble, really, yet Light didn’t have the energy to tune it out. He mustered a smile for the people that wished him a happy holiday, accepting the tiny gifts handed to him by giggling girls.

A freezing flake of snow melted on his nose and Light sighed as more followed, nowhere near properly dressed for the wintery weather. Tucking his face into the lapels of his coat, he picked up the pace, the thin layer of snow crunching under his feet as he briskly walked towards the gate.

“Someone’s in a hurry. It’s very unlike you to pay so little attention to your surroundings.”

Light managed to avoid stumbling over his own feet as he stilled in his tracks, causing annoyed grunts from students that nearly collided with his back. Was it possible that he was really hearing things now? It could be that his lack of sleep was finally catching up to him but hallucinations seemed a bit far-fetched.

“Or perhaps I am simply being ignored…”

Hesitantly, Light made a 135 degree turn, immediately spotting the one he’d been torn between hoping was real or just a hallucination. L was perched on one of the campus benches, thankfully wearing shoes along with an oversized parka that Light could imagine Watari forcing him to wear. For the moment, the dark eyes were fixated on the flakes of snow silently making their way to the ground, the messy, dark locks catching enough snow so that it covered a great deal of his hair.

“What are you doing here, Ryuga?” Light was still annoyed by the fact that L had chosen such a famous name as his alias at this school but the thought stayed at the back of his mind, overshadowed by more important things.

“It’s the last day of school before vacation starts,” L informed him, as if it were the answer to the question asked. His eyes were still following whichever snowflake looked to be largest.

“I’m aware. I thought you were still working on… that case.” The hint of annoyance in Light’s voice was poorly hidden. L’s inability to just accept the possibility of Kira being gone had struck a nerve with Light, it being the main reason he’d left the task force so abruptly.

“No, I closed that case a week ago. No more leads,” L sighed, making an attempt to pinch a falling snowflake between his forefinger and thumb. Light shivered, his now wet hair starting to stick to the back of his neck.

Crossing his arms, Light begun to feel that familiar annoyance, reserved only for the detective, start to rise.

“Well, why are you here then?” he pushed and something in his tone finally caught L’s attention, the dark eyes suddenly scrutinizing Light like they had the first time the two of them had met. Light stared back defiantly. L broke the stare before replying.

“For the same reason you’ve been inviting every girl in Tokyo on a date. I was bored.”

It was hard to pinpoint it, but something had sounded off about L’s voice. Less nonchalant than his usual mocking and cocky statements. _Jealousy?_ Light’s mind playfully hinted but he brushed it off. At the moment, it was less important than the fact that – “You’ve been keeping tabs on me? _Again_?”

L, as per usual, didn’t look one bit phased at having let his own secret slip. Possibly because he didn’t care that people knew about his snooping. The latter seemed more likely. “’Keeping tabs’ sounds so intrusive. I prefer ‘carefully observing for valid purposes.’”

Light scoffed, finally taking a few steps towards the bench. “You’re still just hoping that I’m Kira, aren’t you?” he bit out, genuine frustration blocking out the slight excitement he’d felt earlier upon spotting L for the first time in two months. “Unbelievable…”

L frowned at the accusation, getting to his feet and shuffling them awkwardly as he spoke. “Actually, I was merely making sure that you were alright.” The toes of his sneakers scuffed against the snow covered ground, long fingers having disappeared into the pockets of his jeans.

The shock was fairly visible on Light’s face, along with disbelief. L had been… watching out for him? But why? He voiced his question, gaining a nonchalant shrug from L.

“I was bored,” he replied once again but there was something missing from the answer, Light could tell. He just couldn’t tell what that something was.

By now, the school grounds were practically vacated and an eerie quiet had been brought on by the snow. Light fidgeted, feeling his toes, fingers and nose starting to numb from the cold. A trickle of freezing water had begun to run from his hair down his back, drawing another shiver from him.

A stray student passing by snapped the two young men out of their reverie. “Happy Holidays, Light,” the student, someone from Light’s class he now recognized, said happily with a small wave. Light mumbled something in return, just barely catching the other student’s gaze travel above Light’s head before he walked off with a chuckle.

Confused, Light tilted his head backwards, almost immediately spotting the reason for the student’s amusement. Hanging from the unlit streetlamp they were positioned under was a sad looking mistletoe. Light almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Who even went around hanging these?

“Did you know that mistletoe originally symbolized peace and caring? Funny how that morphed into a tradition of exchanging kisses,” L noted offhandedly and Light realized that he too was staring at the tiny plant. Light hummed something in response, finding his gaze stuck on the detective as he examined the mistletoe.

The dark hair was still covered in snow yet some of it had started to melt, making the locks cling to the side of L’s face. A few flakes had also settled on L’s face, clinging to his eyelashes and falling to his cheek, red from the cold, when he blinked. Light was entranced by the curious and peaceful expression on L’s face, a rare sight to say the least.

A big, fat snowflake landed on L’s nose right before he looked back down to meet Light’s gaze. Light knew that if he had less composure, his jaw would have been slack. He could not, however, control the suddenly erratic pounding of his heart.

“What?” L finally questioned, the curious expression now fixated on Light and before he fully rationalized his actions, Light’s thumb was brushing the melting snowflake off L’s nose and L was leaning into the touch and Light’s hand shifted to the back of L’s neck and that ridiculous parka made a crunching sound when Light pulled the detective closer, his freezing lips meeting strangely warm ones.

Light’s heart felt just about to ready to slam through his ribcage, warmth coursing through his veins because he was kissing L, under a goddamned mistletoe of all places, in the snow and it was so disgustingly clichéd that it should have made Light roll his eyes. It didn’t, probably because one of L’s hands had sneaked out of their pocket to possessively rest on Light’s hip and L’s lips were moving sort of clumsily against his own and it was all just so endearing and all he could think was _finally._

Out of breath, Light eventually pulled back, but not far enough so that L’s hand could no longer rest on his hip. He watched with bated breath as L curiously licked his lips, feeling undeniable warmth settling in his stomach at the sight. The two of them stood there for a moment, panting, staring at each other with a newfound intensity.

L’s breath was warm on Light’s face and his lips tingled, the other’s sweet taste still lingering in his mouth. After a few drawn out moments of nothing, L moved his hand, leaving behind a cold spot. Instead, Light’s fingers were slowly, carefully, enveloped by longer and thinner ones and L made the gesture feel so natural and unquestionable. Warmth spread from Light’s hand into his blood stream and he looked up from their interlocked hands to meet L’s gaze once again.

“There’s a small gelato store five minutes from here,” L stated casually, like they hadn’t just kissed and weren’t currently just holding hands. The casualness was nice. It felt normal. Right.

“It’s freezing outside and you want gelato?” Light found himself replying, barely registering the smile tugging at his lips.

“Yes?” It was obvious that L found no faults with this statement and Light’s eyes softened as he regarded the peculiar man standing in front of him.

Shrugging, Light gripped the hand in his a little bit tighter. “Sure, why the hell not.”

L’s eyes lit up and the two of them treaded through the thin sheen of snow towards the school gate. L’s fingers were still fidgeting slightly where they were intertwined with Light’s but it was a nice reminder of their presence.

“What’s with the parka?” Light asked as they stepped onto the bustling street outside the school. L rolled his eyes, huffing impatiently as his free hand fiddled with the fluffy lining of the hood.

“Watari wouldn’t let me go out unless I wore it.”

Light didn’t even try to conceal the grin that broke out across his face.

……..

64 days since Kira had been a threat and ten minutes until the New Year. A couple of days prior, Chief Yagami had received a surprise visit from his son, accompanied by L, which by itself hadn’t struck the chief as odd. What had caught his attention had been the way the detective had clung onto Light’s sleeve.

The Chief had made an impulse decision – brought on by the look in his son’s eyes when he looked at L – and that’s how the Yagami family ended up currently having a guest during New Year’s.

Light had been fairly reluctant at first, informing L that he didn’t have to attend if he didn’t feel comfortable, but L insisted that it would be rude to turn down “Chief Yagami’s gracious offer,” as he’d put it. Shockingly, L had even shown up wearing a shirt as opposed to his sweater of choice. Light had loaned him a black tie and helped him put it on, which had ended up with most of their other clothing on the floor.

Dinner had been a fairly normal ordeal, seeing as L wasn’t prone to awkwardness, although Sayu’s questions managed to catch the detective off guard a few times. Her questions had been banned after she’d asked L whether or not he was in love with her brother, causing the brother in question to nearly choke on his food.

Light’s mother had been elated to see L enjoying her dessert so vigorously, babbling on about how _adorable_ it was that Light’s _friend_ had such a sweet tooth. Truthfully, the only thing that had kept Light sane throughout his family’s exuberant interest was L’s fingers latching onto the sleeve of his shirt, occasionally brushing against his thigh when Light tensed up.

Now, ten minutes until the New Year started, Light’s family had gathered on the couch, leaving him and L to disappear upstairs.

“Your family seems… nice,” L commented, his head resting in Light’s lap, allowing the latter to calm himself by running his fingers through the dark locks. Light chuckled sarcastically at that.

“I think you mean intense. Horrifyingly so,” he sighed, fiddling with the collar of L’s shirt distractedly. L let out a pleased hum, a sound Light had quickly started to know and love.

“Still, your sister seems quite perceptive…”

“Hmm?”

“It’s nothing… What time is it?”

“Two minutes to midnight, wh–“ Light’s reply was cut short by the long fingers draping around the back of his neck and pulling his head down. As per usual, L tasted of the last sweet he had eaten, along with something that was so distinctly L and so very addictive.

Adrenaline. It didn’t matter how many times L’s lips brushed against his ear or how often Light woke up to a warm body curled around his own, he could feel it rushing through his body every time, making his heartbeat erratic and his mind lose composure and he loved every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light never gets the notebook back, Light never becomes Kira again –flies off on a unicorn of happiness-. Most of this was written at like 1 am so if anyone is out of character then oops. Fluff. Lawlight. Embrace it. Thank you everyone for following the story and a 100 kudos whaaaa  
> P.S. the lack of actual smut in this story has me wanting to write a PWP. yay or nay?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for this fandom so any and all commentary is very well appreciated.


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